Star Wars: About To Get Pwned

And, no, I don’t mean the franchise is about to get pwned.  I mean, I’m probably going to get pwned for the comment I’m about to make.  So I’ll just come right out and say it:

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is almost as good as Return of the Jedi.

I know.  A  statement bordering on blasphemy.  Let me take you on a journey, my young Padawan.

When I heard that J.J. Abrams was going to be working on Star Wars, Episode VII, I felt more than a slight thrill.  I consider myself an Abrams devotee of sorts, particularly because of LOST.  Once the news that Abram was directing had sunk in, I decided it was time for Megan to see Episodes I-III.  We tried to watch Episode I during our first year of marriage and I couldn’t bear it.  We turned it off and never went back.  But if she is to be the informed, discerning mother of the Wood clan in Louisiana, she needed to know.  With Episode VII coming in 2015, we needed to be ready.

So we began two weeks back.  We watched Episodes IV-VI three nights in a row.  And, let me just add for the record, those films continue to be my favorite movies of all time.  As a kid up until seminary, I claimed Jedi as my favorite…but began to lean toward Empire around graduation and ordination.  And now, I think I’m firmly going with Star Wars (or a New Hope…whatever).  What a fantastic movie.  I simply cannot get over how well that film stands not only the test of time, but also the test of me having watched it 60+ times.

Now, here is where the blog gets dicey.  While I was watching Return of the Jedi, I began to sense a tremor in the Force.  And keep in mind that we were watching the theatrical releases, not the Special Editions, DVD re-releases, or Bluray botch jobs.  We were back in 1983 with puppet Yoda.  And, no, it wasn’t the Ewoks that bothered me.  The Wood family is strongly pro-Ewok.  The Ewoks have never seemed like an overt appeal to children (like 95% of Episode I), because you witness an AT-ST kill a couple of them.  Not too child-friendly to kill sentient teddy bears with lasers, IMHO.  Nope, here’s what shocked me while watching Jedi:

When Chewbacca yelled like Tarzan.

Sure, it’s just a campy joke.  But it’s a sign of what would come, given a few more years.  This is the Wookie who would potentially rip people’s arms out of their sockets over a chess game, for crying out loud!  And now he’s doing a Tarzan yell?  The moment is not just confusing (and anachronistic), it’s pure ridiculousness in a tense battle scene.  I was shocked.  And then, when Megan and I decided to watch Episodes I-III over the last three days, my suspicions were confirmed.  Jar-Jar Binks?  Same kind of stupid crap.  Anakin born of a virgin?  You’ve got to be kidding.  Liam Neeson killed by a dude with tattoos on his face?!  Well, OK, Darth Maul was pretty badass, but we all know Liam Neeson can’t be killed (Yoda confirms this in Episode III).  Bottom line, during every moment of goofy foolishness in Episodes I-III, all I could hear was Chewbacca’s Tarzan yell.  Now, that said, I LOVE Return of the Jedi.  And I always will.  But in that one moment, we got a glimpse of the George Lucas that would be.

Now let’s get back to my main thesis about Episode III.  It is not as good as Return of the Jedi…but it’s close.  The film is two hours spent tying up loose ends and trying to get fans to stop griping about how Lucas had destroyed their childhood with Episodes I and II.  It was gritty.  It was dark.  And Hayden Christiansen apparently had taken a couple of acting classes.  In sum, Episode III is not that bad.  And here’s why I feel confident saying this.  Tonight was the first time I’ve watched it since opening night at the theater.  I was so let down when it came out, I have not watched it since.  After eight years, that disappointment had cleared up and, frankly, I didn’t remember much of the story besides the really crazy parts (like where Anakin kills a bunch of kids or where he gets burned up in a lava pit).  While Jedi only had one really stupid moment, Episode III had many more.  And, because of that and myriad other reasons, Return of the Jedi will always be a superior film.

In conclusion, Episodes VII-IX will not be as good as the original trilogy.  It simply won’t happen.  Abrams is, I hope, realistic enough to know that.  But if Disney/Lucas/Abrams/et al can make these movies better or on a par with Episode III, I think I’ll be OK with that.

Comments are not only expected, but invited.  Please chime in below.  Let the pwning begin.

Leave a Reply